It's either a testament to the apt naming of this blog, or my incredible ability to put things off, that has meant this blog's been idle for the last 3 4 5 few months. It's not like I haven't been doing anything, well...ish. Once again I've been neglecting my German, working 45 hour week night shifts and steadily consolidating my burgeoning beer gut.
My problem with Berlin, I find, is the opposite to most other people; instead of finding it a hub of artistic talent which lifts everyone up to more creative heights, I find myself paralysed by it. Almost as if, upon becoming aware of the amount of creativity here my brain decides, "well..I guess that's enough then". I suspect a small part of this also comes from the night shifts which cripple my thought processes and leave my brain leaden on the days off I do have. Although, again, it's not like I don't have 9 hours a night to think about stuff, so I don't think I can blame it all on that.
Either way, this cranial white noise, whilst annoying, doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it here. It's even - to an extent - somewhat relaxing to have such a simple life. I do miss that sudden spark of activity my brain used to get, though it's still there, just buried under a mass of inactivity momentarily awoken by intense effort...or caffeine and alcohol...lots of caffeine and alcohol.
I moved here now 1 year and 7 and a bit weeks ago, I suppose it's probably time to take stock of what's happened and whether I've achieved what I wanted: i.e. to not become a tool who just works all the time, to stop making judgements on subjective intellectual ideals, to learn German and to become interesting with my own ideas that I've developed independently - outside of studying.
In all honesty, I don't think I've really changed that much. I think I'm now much more prone to drink a beer for the hell of it, I think my music taste has increased substantially (this is probably one of the better things about being forced to do night shifts) and I've tried to get better at German but, although I'm definitely more fluent, I don't think my understanding's improved as much as it should have. I've also been living in the strange bubble of the hostel world, where you are automatically perceived as being more knowledgeable than all the guests. For picking up women, this is awesome; however, it leads you to create a skewed picture of yourself - much like judging someone solely from their online persona. I'm not looking forward to the inevitable bump as I'm brought back to earth on returning to the UK.
What i have noticed though, to return to the music point, is that this was awesome practice for me. On leaving, I was always a bit nervous about other people hearing what music I like; moreover, I didn't really have a ready selection of stuff I'd happily put on to affect my mood. Yet now I have so much, and, more importantly, it's not embarrassing for me to play stuff I like. I mean, it was never a problem before, but it was always present - if I was working and someone came into the room I'd pause the music, if I was driving around in a car I'd put on the radio instead of playing my own stuff. And if I left it on, I'd much rather it was in the background. I mean, it wasn't wrong, it was just all - I guess - a bit silly now I think about it. At least this job has forced me to confront the idea that someone, somewhere, might think I'm listening to shit. And that's fine, if they don't like a bit of motorhead at 6 in the morning...well....fuck 'em.
With the end of my time here very much in sight (February?), I am not expecting miracles. However, a last minute surge in my German ability wouldn't go amiss!
My problem with Berlin, I find, is the opposite to most other people; instead of finding it a hub of artistic talent which lifts everyone up to more creative heights, I find myself paralysed by it. Almost as if, upon becoming aware of the amount of creativity here my brain decides, "well..I guess that's enough then". I suspect a small part of this also comes from the night shifts which cripple my thought processes and leave my brain leaden on the days off I do have. Although, again, it's not like I don't have 9 hours a night to think about stuff, so I don't think I can blame it all on that.
Either way, this cranial white noise, whilst annoying, doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it here. It's even - to an extent - somewhat relaxing to have such a simple life. I do miss that sudden spark of activity my brain used to get, though it's still there, just buried under a mass of inactivity momentarily awoken by intense effort...or caffeine and alcohol...lots of caffeine and alcohol.
I moved here now 1 year and 7 and a bit weeks ago, I suppose it's probably time to take stock of what's happened and whether I've achieved what I wanted: i.e. to not become a tool who just works all the time, to stop making judgements on subjective intellectual ideals, to learn German and to become interesting with my own ideas that I've developed independently - outside of studying.
In all honesty, I don't think I've really changed that much. I think I'm now much more prone to drink a beer for the hell of it, I think my music taste has increased substantially (this is probably one of the better things about being forced to do night shifts) and I've tried to get better at German but, although I'm definitely more fluent, I don't think my understanding's improved as much as it should have. I've also been living in the strange bubble of the hostel world, where you are automatically perceived as being more knowledgeable than all the guests. For picking up women, this is awesome; however, it leads you to create a skewed picture of yourself - much like judging someone solely from their online persona. I'm not looking forward to the inevitable bump as I'm brought back to earth on returning to the UK.
What i have noticed though, to return to the music point, is that this was awesome practice for me. On leaving, I was always a bit nervous about other people hearing what music I like; moreover, I didn't really have a ready selection of stuff I'd happily put on to affect my mood. Yet now I have so much, and, more importantly, it's not embarrassing for me to play stuff I like. I mean, it was never a problem before, but it was always present - if I was working and someone came into the room I'd pause the music, if I was driving around in a car I'd put on the radio instead of playing my own stuff. And if I left it on, I'd much rather it was in the background. I mean, it wasn't wrong, it was just all - I guess - a bit silly now I think about it. At least this job has forced me to confront the idea that someone, somewhere, might think I'm listening to shit. And that's fine, if they don't like a bit of motorhead at 6 in the morning...well....fuck 'em.
With the end of my time here very much in sight (February?), I am not expecting miracles. However, a last minute surge in my German ability wouldn't go amiss!
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